Family

 

I didn’t write last week; I’m disappointed in myself. When I started this blog, I did so to establish a regular pattern of disciplining myself to spend periods of time regularly thinking about observations made and lessons learned over the last week. I have often struggled in that department – the intentional taking stock of blessings, application of lessons learned and reflections on great memories created. I hope you will help me stay true to this process; it takes a village. To Bethany, thank you for the encouragement you offered me; you got me back on track!

This morning I looked back on one of our holiday gatherings from this season. Most of my sister’s family and all my crew were able to make it. My stepmother Janie also joined us for the evening.

Our Buck Family Christmas gatherings are straightforward and consistent… a shared meal, conversation, a small gift exchange and then the highlight – a game of Left-Right-Center. We’ve been in this routine for several years now, so it seems like running from a regular playbook. This year hit differently though.

This is my second Christmas season without my dad. Wasn’t as hard as the first but still difficult and I suspect it always will be. However, the day after our gathering, my sister shared an image on social media with all our family together and a nod to me as “taking over the duties of John Buck”. At first, I chuckled realizing how much I do have in common with Dad, but I was then hit with the heavier weight of the responsibility. My dad loved presence with family.

I think what has been nagging at me the entire past few months has been the understanding of what it truly means to be family. It means chaos, periods of dysfunction, and shared pain no doubt. But also means a common bond that cannot be erased and an indescribable peace and comfort simply being in near proximity. Family is special and the role of stewarding and shepherding these relationships requires incredible intentionality.

As I enter the calendar period customarily defined by resolutions, I have one of my own. Not of things physical or financial. Rather, my resolve is to further explore the relationships that constitute my family. As the world around us changes and each generation practices their own unique characteristics (regardless how frustrating I might find them!), I refuse to let the core value of family dissipate. Family is special and cultivating healthy and thriving family dynamics is a calling I want to pursue and become better at.

For those who do not currently feel the unique bonds of family, please let me know. I’d welcome the opportunity to help you find relationships to lift your life into a peaceful, fulfilling rhythm that brings your calm and confidence as you face the storms of life. There are many in Lisa’s and my lives that may not have been born into our family fabric, but we have found ways to welcome them and embrace them as if they were. I know for each of you, those relationships are available and accessible; the path to finding them just might look a little different.

I wish each of you a happy new year and truly appreciate having you as part of my village.

Axe Throwing and the Happiness of Success

 

This week, the MentaliTea and Coffee team celebrated the holidays with a team dinner and group activity. For those who don’t know, in addition to my work with Care ProvidersOklahoma, I co-own a coffee shop in Bethany, OK with my wife Lisa and daughter Avery. Dipping our toes into small business has been fun and we find the opportunity to interact and hang out with our Gen Z team members refreshing, fun, and, when we take time to listen and observe, educational.

For our group activity, Avery scheduled a night of axe throwing at OKC’s Bad Axe Throwing venue. This was Lisa’s and my second time throwing but for the rest of the team, it was their first go at it. We had an absolute blast, and I can’t speak highly enough of the activity for social gatherings.

As we wound our way through our 90-minute session which included team competitions and an introduction to trick-throwing, I got the most excited when I saw a couple of members of the team successfully stick their axe in the target area for the first time after several errant throws. The mechanics of axe throwing are a bit wonky for amateurs like us and requires discipline to maintain the correct arm posture, release point, step, and velocity. It’s not easy, and we were greeted with the regular clanking of axes caroming of the walls and target and the occasional voiced frustration of the thrower.

But when the axe embedded for the first time for those struggling with the discipline, the absolute excitement generated by those first successful throws were priceless to observe. It was fun to celebrate those successes with our team members. Reflecting on those reactions, I wonder if we neglect to celebrate some of those initial successes that we observe with co-workers and volunteers when they branch out and try something new and uncomfortable in the workspace or volunteer field. If you’re like me, you become guilty of holding an assumption that even the smallest tasks are routine and should be addressed without fanfare. In many cases they truly are routine, but the truth is accepting new roles and responsibilities can be fraught with uncertainty and anxiety for many people.

A night of axe throwing ended up being more than a fun evening. It re-oriented me to the importance of celebrating accomplishments, from the most basic to the most complex. Our team members truly felt joy and success by sticking an axe into a throwing target. Our work, both paid and volunteer, carries so much more weight than a night of social recreation. We should take such joy, and be equally intentional, to celebrating accomplishments in our workplaces and volunteer fields too.

Wrapped with a Prompt

Last week, Spotify unveiled their 2022 Wrapped list for their subscribers. My social feeds were full of people sharing their most frequently listened to songs and artists of the past year. I admit, I too am curious when that day comes to see what songs have been blaring through my car speakers and wireless headphones with the most frequency over the last several months.

My 2022 list of most played songs were from artists that any 1980’s high school graduate would recognize…Def Leppard, Eddie Money, The J. Geils Band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Journey. I was a bit surprised a song by Fleetwood Mac, ZZ Top or the Eagles didn’t make the top five but I’m sure their play time was significant too.

My top played song was “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard (it is positioned in multiple play lists!). That was the most recently released song on my top 5 and it was first released in 1987. That’s 35 years ago!

I thought about this list quite a bit over the last week. Admittedly, probably way too much. But I couldn’t shake the fact that I was so drawn to music I grew up listening to in high school that I have probably ignored many outstanding songs and talented artists over the last three decades that are truly remarkable and enjoyable. I think I might be missing out on some great experiences and underappreciating some amazing talent.

Unfortunately, I think sometimes my approach to work, employee engagement and new technologies fall into the same tired pattern. I become so comfortable in my zone of experience that I miss out on the uniqueness of new models of work and emerging ideas. My approach works often, but its highly likely others will as well, and perhaps sometimes even better than the path I typically follow.

The Spotify tracking algorithms will soon start tracking my music habits for Wrapped 2023. Left to my natural inclinations, it’s highly likely the same bands, or artists from the same era, will show up in next year’s top 5. I’m okay with that outcome if it occurs but I am going to commit to finding new artists to sprinkle into my play lists to diversity my listening habits. I might just find a song that I really like that makes it into my top 5. I’ll report back on that next year.

Similarly, I am resolving to do the same in my professional and volunteer space. I’m missing out by not embracing the unique rhythms and talents of today’s emerging workers. That is far more important than my Spotify list, and I hope you will hold me accountable for reporting back to you on that effort too.