Bowling & Bonding

On Saturday, January 14th, my oldest son Isaiah and I took part in the Oklahoma City Metro Chapter of the Oklahoma State Univeristy Alumni Associations Cowboys for a Cause event. The area chapter elected to support the Special Olympics of Oklahoma's bowling championships. It was my first time to volunteer with the chapter and, in hindsight, I regret not having participated in previous years!

I was planning to volunteer by myself but, the night before, I asked Isaiah if he'd like to go with me. To our surprise, he said "yes!" I was so excited to see his desire to get up and about and go with me but it also introduced some doubt... he's not a morning person at all and being introduced to and interacting with strangers is not necessarily his thing. 

The alarm went off early the morning of the event and there he was. He was eager to go and hang out with me for the day. I had to prod him a bit to be on time with a totally unhealthy breakfast but we made it to the bowling alley and he dutifully followed me inside to the volunteer registration area. For the next three hours, he stayed by my side, cheering on the athletes and serving as my deputy score keeper. I couldn't have been prouder of his demeanor and willingness to take part.

That morning was important for us. Isaiah conquered his own doubts and insecurities by meeting strangers and chatting with some of his dad's old friends. He mustered his courage and held a conversation with Dr. Ann Caine, our new president for the Association. It was my first time to meet her too so I could't prep the conversation with some "did you know's?" I even noticed him wandering over to Pistol Pete and sneaking a high-five.

Isaiah is a special olympics athlete. He will be competing in May at the state games in Stillwater. He was excited to do that even before the day of volunteering but he left the event even more excited about competing with others and taking part in the Special Olympics experience. 

Milestone events like our experience a couple of weekends back are important. In the not-too-distant future, Isaiah will leave our home and start his walk of independence. I truly appreciate the Alumni Association for letting us take part and am joyful for experiences like this with my children. Parenting introduces what feels like way too many setbacks but when the positive experiences come, they are worthy of celebration.

This week, it's my hope that you will experience a moment of togetherness and a sense of accomplishment in the presence of a loved one.

Three Breakfasts and a Lunch

 

Dang it, I’m not getting it done. Despite my very best intentions, I find myself a full week plus behind on publishing. I’ll get better. I appreciate those who prod me to get going. It’s what a network of friends is all about. The fellowship is wonderful and the shared experiences memorable. However, the accountability factor and constant encouragement to complete a commitment is highly valued.

Wednesday was quite the day. Completely lost control of my scheduling … three breakfast meetings, a lunch, a dinner, and a night in Stillwater for Bedlam basketball. That’s not counting the other obligations that filled my day.

However, as I thought about the Thursday following, I wasn’t the least bit fatigued; rather, I was upbeat and energetic and ready for the next flurry of activity. And appreciative of the day before me. Maybe not fond of the calories consumed in all those “meal meetings” but content to know I got to hang out with some people that I really admire, appreciate, and value.

A decade ago, it seemed like a rhythm like this was par for the course. I evaluated my success by the filled meeting blocks on my calendar. Busyness was seen as an attribute.

That’s different today. One of the lessons I’ve learned (after several mentors bludgeoning me over the head) was that more was not better. That to successfully compete for the long-haul, one had to find time for relaxation, visioning and reflection. I’m still not good at it but getting better.

Look at my calendar monthly view now and you’ll find full days with no obligations. Simply opportunities to recharge and reorient. On occasion, it still seems counterintuitive to me that I can accomplish more by “doing less,” but it’s proving to be very true.

One of my favorite verses from the Old Testament is Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God.” I think there’s so much merit in that admonition and I’m learning to appreciate it more every day. Stillness and confidence in recharging are an attribute to be pursued. Just as some of you have done in terms of my blogging enterprise, I hope you will hold me accountable for moments of stillness and contemplation.

Pizza & Friendships

Over the last couple of years, Lisa and I have really focused on broadening our leisure time, hopefully as a prelude to what life might look like when we reach retirement or semi-retirement. I hope to use this space to document favorite activities and places visited.  Sometimes my posts might be strictly reviews but in other cases, like today’s, there will also be lessons learned I want to share.

In the first summer of the COVID-19 pandemic (2020), Lisa and I wandered up to Excelsior Springs, Missouri, for a 4^th of July getaway. We stayed at the historic Elms Hotel and had a great time hitting some local wineries and dining spots. However, it was the final visit on our trip that has lingered with us for the past 30 months… a trip to Van Till Family Farm Winery in the small town of Rayville, MO. Driving to the property one could easily convince themselves that they were lost but after many hills and curves on the highway, we found ourselves visiting the most delightful establishment. It would be easy to say if you’re in the area drop in but that would be a stretch. I don’t think you’d just happen by the vineyard. Let me rephrase things and say that a specific trip to visit the winery is highly recommended; don’t just rely on being in the neighborhood. Plan to get yourself there (and visit dozens of other nice wineries in the Missouri area).

The Van Till property is beautiful and the wines of good quality. However, what caught our attention the most was the brick pizza oven built into their tasting patio and the owner’s friendliness in visiting with patrons about his vision for the property and why he left California to open his shop in rural Missouri. He attentively participated in multiple conversations as he churned out brick oven pizza after brick oven pizza. The pizzas were incredible, but the evening of fellowship, storytelling and friend making were the absolute best. We found ourselves engaging in conversation with others enjoying the evening … people we had never met and will likely never interact with again.

Fast forward to Christmas 2022 and what appears under my tree as a gift from Lisa but my very own Bertello pizza oven! I’m hoping it’s a gift with foreshadowing because we’ve both talked about how cool it’d be to replicate the Van Till experience in our retirement years. A quick level-set… I’ve got a long way to go to achieve a pizza one could call delicious, but I love trying. I’ve even included a couple images of my first night of pizza-making as evidence of my endeavors.

The pizza we consumed at the winery was indeed excellent. The enjoyment though went beyond great food.  What made that evening in the summer of 2020 so special was not the pizza or the wine specifically. It was the fellowship and camaraderie of sharing life with others.  It was the act of making new friends and listening to great stories and experiences.

I’m forever grateful that we found Van Till Family Farm Winery. At some point we’ll return. But the lessons learned are still with us in Oklahoma City. I can’t promise you a great pizza, but I’ll give it my best if you’re ever interested in hanging out and chatting. Enjoying ommunity is when we are our best.

Family

 

I didn’t write last week; I’m disappointed in myself. When I started this blog, I did so to establish a regular pattern of disciplining myself to spend periods of time regularly thinking about observations made and lessons learned over the last week. I have often struggled in that department – the intentional taking stock of blessings, application of lessons learned and reflections on great memories created. I hope you will help me stay true to this process; it takes a village. To Bethany, thank you for the encouragement you offered me; you got me back on track!

This morning I looked back on one of our holiday gatherings from this season. Most of my sister’s family and all my crew were able to make it. My stepmother Janie also joined us for the evening.

Our Buck Family Christmas gatherings are straightforward and consistent… a shared meal, conversation, a small gift exchange and then the highlight – a game of Left-Right-Center. We’ve been in this routine for several years now, so it seems like running from a regular playbook. This year hit differently though.

This is my second Christmas season without my dad. Wasn’t as hard as the first but still difficult and I suspect it always will be. However, the day after our gathering, my sister shared an image on social media with all our family together and a nod to me as “taking over the duties of John Buck”. At first, I chuckled realizing how much I do have in common with Dad, but I was then hit with the heavier weight of the responsibility. My dad loved presence with family.

I think what has been nagging at me the entire past few months has been the understanding of what it truly means to be family. It means chaos, periods of dysfunction, and shared pain no doubt. But also means a common bond that cannot be erased and an indescribable peace and comfort simply being in near proximity. Family is special and the role of stewarding and shepherding these relationships requires incredible intentionality.

As I enter the calendar period customarily defined by resolutions, I have one of my own. Not of things physical or financial. Rather, my resolve is to further explore the relationships that constitute my family. As the world around us changes and each generation practices their own unique characteristics (regardless how frustrating I might find them!), I refuse to let the core value of family dissipate. Family is special and cultivating healthy and thriving family dynamics is a calling I want to pursue and become better at.

For those who do not currently feel the unique bonds of family, please let me know. I’d welcome the opportunity to help you find relationships to lift your life into a peaceful, fulfilling rhythm that brings your calm and confidence as you face the storms of life. There are many in Lisa’s and my lives that may not have been born into our family fabric, but we have found ways to welcome them and embrace them as if they were. I know for each of you, those relationships are available and accessible; the path to finding them just might look a little different.

I wish each of you a happy new year and truly appreciate having you as part of my village.

Axe Throwing and the Happiness of Success

 

This week, the MentaliTea and Coffee team celebrated the holidays with a team dinner and group activity. For those who don’t know, in addition to my work with Care ProvidersOklahoma, I co-own a coffee shop in Bethany, OK with my wife Lisa and daughter Avery. Dipping our toes into small business has been fun and we find the opportunity to interact and hang out with our Gen Z team members refreshing, fun, and, when we take time to listen and observe, educational.

For our group activity, Avery scheduled a night of axe throwing at OKC’s Bad Axe Throwing venue. This was Lisa’s and my second time throwing but for the rest of the team, it was their first go at it. We had an absolute blast, and I can’t speak highly enough of the activity for social gatherings.

As we wound our way through our 90-minute session which included team competitions and an introduction to trick-throwing, I got the most excited when I saw a couple of members of the team successfully stick their axe in the target area for the first time after several errant throws. The mechanics of axe throwing are a bit wonky for amateurs like us and requires discipline to maintain the correct arm posture, release point, step, and velocity. It’s not easy, and we were greeted with the regular clanking of axes caroming of the walls and target and the occasional voiced frustration of the thrower.

But when the axe embedded for the first time for those struggling with the discipline, the absolute excitement generated by those first successful throws were priceless to observe. It was fun to celebrate those successes with our team members. Reflecting on those reactions, I wonder if we neglect to celebrate some of those initial successes that we observe with co-workers and volunteers when they branch out and try something new and uncomfortable in the workspace or volunteer field. If you’re like me, you become guilty of holding an assumption that even the smallest tasks are routine and should be addressed without fanfare. In many cases they truly are routine, but the truth is accepting new roles and responsibilities can be fraught with uncertainty and anxiety for many people.

A night of axe throwing ended up being more than a fun evening. It re-oriented me to the importance of celebrating accomplishments, from the most basic to the most complex. Our team members truly felt joy and success by sticking an axe into a throwing target. Our work, both paid and volunteer, carries so much more weight than a night of social recreation. We should take such joy, and be equally intentional, to celebrating accomplishments in our workplaces and volunteer fields too.

Wrapped with a Prompt

Last week, Spotify unveiled their 2022 Wrapped list for their subscribers. My social feeds were full of people sharing their most frequently listened to songs and artists of the past year. I admit, I too am curious when that day comes to see what songs have been blaring through my car speakers and wireless headphones with the most frequency over the last several months.

My 2022 list of most played songs were from artists that any 1980’s high school graduate would recognize…Def Leppard, Eddie Money, The J. Geils Band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Journey. I was a bit surprised a song by Fleetwood Mac, ZZ Top or the Eagles didn’t make the top five but I’m sure their play time was significant too.

My top played song was “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard (it is positioned in multiple play lists!). That was the most recently released song on my top 5 and it was first released in 1987. That’s 35 years ago!

I thought about this list quite a bit over the last week. Admittedly, probably way too much. But I couldn’t shake the fact that I was so drawn to music I grew up listening to in high school that I have probably ignored many outstanding songs and talented artists over the last three decades that are truly remarkable and enjoyable. I think I might be missing out on some great experiences and underappreciating some amazing talent.

Unfortunately, I think sometimes my approach to work, employee engagement and new technologies fall into the same tired pattern. I become so comfortable in my zone of experience that I miss out on the uniqueness of new models of work and emerging ideas. My approach works often, but its highly likely others will as well, and perhaps sometimes even better than the path I typically follow.

The Spotify tracking algorithms will soon start tracking my music habits for Wrapped 2023. Left to my natural inclinations, it’s highly likely the same bands, or artists from the same era, will show up in next year’s top 5. I’m okay with that outcome if it occurs but I am going to commit to finding new artists to sprinkle into my play lists to diversity my listening habits. I might just find a song that I really like that makes it into my top 5. I’ll report back on that next year.

Similarly, I am resolving to do the same in my professional and volunteer space. I’m missing out by not embracing the unique rhythms and talents of today’s emerging workers. That is far more important than my Spotify list, and I hope you will hold me accountable for reporting back to you on that effort too.

The Force Is Strong with this One

I am not a huge fan of the Star Wars series. I know, for some of my friends, that's sacrilege. I just never got involved with the story lines after the original and The Empire Strikes back. However, I do vividly recall Darth Vader's "the force is strong with this one" as Luke Skywalker raced through his targeting run in the concluding scenes of  A New Hope.

That line came to mind as I watched Matt Rhule's press conference as the University of Nebraska's next football coach. His personality is magnetic and his command of the room absolute. I fully understand now why he was so successful at Baylor and Temple. He faltered in the NFL, and we'll read about that more down the road. But as he stood at the podium today, I was left with little doubt that the Cornhuskers would be back.

Football aside, there were two leadership principles that Rhule eloquently addressed today that caught my attention. I thought both worth mentioning as these themes apply across all professions and volunteer opportunities. 

First, I was impressed with the Coach's grasp of the rebuild before him. He masterfully managed expectations and earned confidence with this succinct commentary: "It will be hard. It may take time. But it will be done." When change agents are hired, they frequently step in with oozing confidence and talk about the success to come as if it will happen in the blink of an eye. Many times, they don't temper the timeline and fall short of their own lofty expectations by disappointing those counting on them. Use Rhule's measured response as good instruction...assure your organization that change will happen but allow for the fact that change processes are not overnight nor are they easy.

His second point that I keyed in on was equally heavy and instructive: "Anybody can lead when things are easy. That's convenient leadership. Who steps up when things are hard?" Such a powerful reminder of when true leaders emerge. I think about the hiring I've done looking for leaders. This reminder will help center me on seeking more examples of how an applicant has thrived in the tough times and how they led as opposed to the scenario when they're leading on calm seas. 

Only time will tell if Rhule succeeds at Nebraska. There are a lot of circumstances that make the mountain to climb difficult such as their departure from a conference where they were a perennial favorite to win championships and their loss of prime recruiting markets. I'm not saying the leaving the Big XII was the wrong decision but it definitely altered the landscape for their athletic programs. The work will be hard, and it will take time, but I have great confidence in Rhule's ability to bring the once storied program back to national prominence. 

Thank you to the many who viewed my blog last week! I was overwhelmed by the readership statistics. If my writing strikes a chord with you, please share the link with others.